Learning your lifetraps

Learning your lifetraps - I Choose Us

Love Connection (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It's been such a hard week emotionally!

For the past month, the married in the church have been going through the "I choose Us" course with the aim of dealing with the root of why we end up drifting away from our spouses and loosing our Love Connection.

This week in particular, we needed to dig deep and deal with our childhood and see how it connects with our behaviour today especially when we feel hurt or in pain. This was a gruelling exercise and yet profoundly uplifting. My wife and I got to cry about our weaknesses and childhood struggles and realise how we trigger each other's insecurities.

I we got realise that we need to write down how we would like to express our vulnerability to each other and pursue a constant prayer to be vulnerable to each other in the objective of weakening our lifetraps and moving towards a better marriage.

The biggest "light bulb moment" was the fact that one my lifetraps made me think that I don't have any lifetraps and such go through life thinking that my job is to please others and help them change while neglecting myself. How wrong have I been...

Through this course, It's been reaffirmed that there's nothing better than having a Christian marriage!

Comments

My trip back to Europe in ONE word (Part 1/2) - Coronavirus

It was a normal working day on a hot and usually dusty afternoon in Yaounde when I got the call to come and collect my Visa for my upcoming trip to Italy. I was elated. It had been 17 years since I had last seen my foster aunts and cousins. I was beside myself. I distinctly remember my trip back to wish my father goodbye and how emotional I was because I knew that somehow I will not see him for a long while. I remember the bus trip back to Yaounde and how surreal it all felt (especially since there was a job interview lined up in Munich). Me on the bus (in the middle of nowhere) on my way back to Yaounde. Clearly I was too excited to sleep (like someone next to me). I was already missing my lovely Cameroon. On the news, the coronavirus (covid-19) was beginning to show its ugly head in Italy and various other neighbouring countries. My aunt even told me to postpone my trip, but it was too late. I was already packed. Don't mess with a black man and his luggage! Me, mysel...

Affirming in Disagreement

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. - Proverbs 15:1 Do you know how to affirm your spouse even when you disagree? It's a big step in learning how to have meaningful conversations. Take this example: A wife has shared that she is hurt by something her husband has done, and he responds, "I appreciate your sharing your ideas and feelings with me. Now I can understand why you could feel so hurt. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way. I want you to know that I love you very much, and it hurts me to see you upset. I appreciate your being open with me." This husband has learned the art of affirming his wife even though he may not agree with her perception. Of course, he has a perspective and will eventually share it, but first, he wants his wife to know that he understands what she is saying and can identify with her pain. He is not condemning her interpretation, nor is he telling her that she should not feel up...

Fun time at the Aerospace and Defence Air show

So it was a great time at the airshow whereby Samson got to see favourite toys in 'full-scale' size. This time around, he was accompanied by his cousin which made the event all the more exhausting for the toddler-sitters: my wife and I. Nevertheless, the exciting on their faces was all worth it. I guess the child-like spirit of turning your heads towards the skies, brims with joy and purpose of seeing the great feat of human-kind which has lasting effect. I was pleasantly surprised to see so many people making the trip to the airshow when the country is in such a disarray at government level. Then seeing the exciting faces makes you realize that the pride of a nation is not about those you see on TV or hear on radio: It's got to do the spirit of steadfastness and determination in the little (and not so little) boys and girls that have everything invested in seeing this beautifully diverse country succeed and be a land of equal opportunity for all. Let the dreams be ...

The Bandjoun nomad

Search This Blog