Skip to main content

Processing Anger

Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. 
Psalm 37:8

When was the last time you experienced anger toward your spouse, and how did you handle it? In the next few days, I want to give you a five-step program for handling anger in a positive way.

The first step is admitting to yourself that you are angry. “That’s obvious,” you might reply. “Anyone would know that I am angry.” Perhaps, but the question is, areyou conscious of your anger? Anger comes on so suddenly that often you may be caught up in a verbal or physical response before you consciously acknowledge what is going on inside you.

The Scriptures never say that anger is wrong, but multiple passages talk about the importance of controlling anger. Psalm 37 speaks about avoiding rage and not losing your temper, which can harm others. When you realize you are angry, I suggest that you say these words out loud: “I am angry about this. Now what am I going to do?” You have placed the issue on the table, and you have distinguished the difference between what you are feeling—your anger—and the action you are going to take. You have set the stage for applying reason to your anger rather than simply being controlled by your emotions. This is the first step in processing anger positively.

Father, I get angry more than I like to admit. Please help me as I try to deal with it the right way. Guard me from losing my temper and hurting the one I love most.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My trip back to Europe in ONE word (Part 1/2) - Coronavirus

It was a normal working day on a hot and usually dusty afternoon in Yaounde when I got the call to come and collect my Visa for my upcoming trip to Italy. I was elated. It had been 17 years since I had last seen my foster aunts and cousins. I was beside myself.  I distinctly remember my trip back to wish my father goodbye and how emotional I was because I knew that somehow I will not see him for a long while. I remember the bus trip back to Yaounde and how surreal it all felt (especially since there was a job interview lined up in Munich).   Me on the bus (in the middle of nowhere) on my way back to Yaounde. Clearly I was too excited to sleep (like someone next to me). I was already missing my lovely Cameroon. On the news, the coronavirus (covid-19) was beginning to show its ugly head in Italy and various other neighbouring countries. My aunt even told me to postpone my trip, but it was too late. I was already packed. Don't mess with a black man and his luggage! Me, mysel...

Affirming in Disagreement

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. -  Proverbs 15:1 Do you know how to affirm your spouse even when you disagree? It's a big step in learning how to have meaningful conversations. Take this example: A wife has shared that she is hurt by something her husband has done, and he responds, "I appreciate your sharing your ideas and feelings with me. Now I can understand why you could feel so hurt. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way. I want you to know that I love you very much, and it hurts me to see you upset. I appreciate your being open with me." This husband has learned the art of affirming his wife even though he may not agree with her perception. Of course, he has a perspective and will eventually share it, but first, he wants his wife to know that he understands what she is saying and can identify with her pain. He is not condemning her interpretation, nor is he telling her that she should not feel up...

Sometimes God Says 'Not Yet'

Sometimes God Says 'Not Yet' : "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, 'In just a very little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.'" (Hebrews 10:36-37 NIV) If you're discouraged because of God's delay in answering your prayers, understand the delay is not a denial. Just because the answer hasn't come yet doesn't mean God isn't going to answer or that he's forgotten you or that he doesn't care about you. It simply means "not yet"! Part of becoming spiritually mature is learning the difference between "no" and "not yet," between a denial and a delay. The Bible tells us, "He who is coming will come and will not delay" (Hebrews 10:37 NIV). God's delay may be a test of your patience. Anybody can be patient once, and most people can be patient twice. A lot of us can even be patient three ti...