The title of this post says it all. What drives us to hold grudges for lengthy period of time? I'm not talking about the inability to resolving issues and prolonging a state of "feeling" angry and disappointed. You think to yourself: "How could they?", "I don't deserve this treatment", "No one talks to me like that".
One thing that I've noticed (from my extensive experience), is those feelings always revolve around us and the things that were said to us. But been engulfed in this state of self-pity prevents us from really seeing what the problem is or whether there is an ACTUAL problem. Often times, hurtful things that are said do not stem from the conversation but are based on our state of mind at the time. We might have had a rough day at work, we're hungry and grumpy (that's me a lot of times) or we simply don't feel like talking. There could be a million reasons that could spark a hurtful argument.
Unfortunately, there's only one way that is sure to work ALL the time. And that's to focus on Christ and his example on forgiveness. In a hurtful conversation (argument) that requires forgiveness (99% of any argument), I believe we fall into three major groups: 1) Forgive ourselves of saying those hurtful things and confessing our "bad mouth" to the other person (pride-crusher) 2) Forgive for what was said to us and confess our "hurt feelings" to the other person (vulnerable) 3) You need to do both (there was a lot of hurtful things that were said).
The above all, we need to learn to quick to forgive. The relationship that is left unresolved is like a boat out to sea. Eventually it will drift away and to bring it back will require more and more effort.
One thing that I've noticed (from my extensive experience), is those feelings always revolve around us and the things that were said to us. But been engulfed in this state of self-pity prevents us from really seeing what the problem is or whether there is an ACTUAL problem. Often times, hurtful things that are said do not stem from the conversation but are based on our state of mind at the time. We might have had a rough day at work, we're hungry and grumpy (that's me a lot of times) or we simply don't feel like talking. There could be a million reasons that could spark a hurtful argument.
Unfortunately, there's only one way that is sure to work ALL the time. And that's to focus on Christ and his example on forgiveness. In a hurtful conversation (argument) that requires forgiveness (99% of any argument), I believe we fall into three major groups: 1) Forgive ourselves of saying those hurtful things and confessing our "bad mouth" to the other person (pride-crusher) 2) Forgive for what was said to us and confess our "hurt feelings" to the other person (vulnerable) 3) You need to do both (there was a lot of hurtful things that were said).
The above all, we need to learn to quick to forgive. The relationship that is left unresolved is like a boat out to sea. Eventually it will drift away and to bring it back will require more and more effort.
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